Child Care...MORE MOMMY GUILT!

We made a decision this morning. Once again, I am left struggling with what I'm "supposed to do" and what my heart is telling me is right. I have been on the waiting list at a child care center for months, maybe a year actually. Well, Ruby's start date is August 18th, just like starting a new school year. Every time I speak to the sweet lady coaching me on how awesome it's going to be, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. What to do?!?!

Well, we are staying right where we are! Ruby is only two years old and she's thriving like crazy right where we are. I don't know why it's necessary to get her out of home child care so soon. It's not!

I told Jared this morning, we are doing at least another year with Kathy. Ruby has no problems around a lot of kids. I see no social issues with the fact that she's only with a few kids every day. But most importantly, Kathy loves her so much. I don't think we could switch to daycare and find that love. She has been with her since she was three months old. Kathy loves her like she is her own. When I told Kathy this morning, she was so happy I could tell it was the right decision. She believes so strongly in home care. I know it's because it's her livelihood, but I also HIGHLY trust her and think she's raised some pretty amazing kids herself.

I am constantly being swayed in my decisions by what mommy society says is next. I don't know why. I am pretty sure I've mentioned it a million times, the mommy guilt. It's so hard. But one thing I've learned in the past two years is to follow my heart and my instincts. When I don't it seems like it has always been the wrong decision.

I guess I decided to blog about this to remind myself to follow MY heart and MY instincts. And to trust it. It's so hard sometimes.